Conflict is Not the Enemy

By Mark Vincent

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A few years ago – in a land not so far away – a project meeting is taking place…

You know the score, 10 people around a table in a slightly stuffy conference room…the kind with frosted glass, looking out onto open plan offices.

Hans, the software engineer, is watching the meeting get more and more heated and feels agitated. He hates conflict, much preferring his time spent deep in software code.

As he’s listening to the discussion play out and hearing the different opinions he suddenly has an idea that might work. He’s not sure though…what if he’s missing something and voicing it makes him look stupid? He’s not one for speaking up and the idea of being part of that battle is just excruciating.

Anne, the programme manager is calmly watching the whole thing play out. As the most senior person in the room it’s on her to keep control, but she’s letting it run – just a little bit longer than she normally would.

In the past she would have been quick to shut it down but is trying something new, something her coach has given her as an exercise. Oh my it’s uncomfortable, but then she was told to expect that.

Eventually when it’s clear the two people involved aren’t making any more progress she gently raises her hand to stop the discussion. Then she looks up at Hans and quietly asks “So, Hans what do you think?”

Now he’s in the spotlight – OMG!! – he shuffles in his seat, stutters a few words (that don’t even make sense to him!) – eventually he rallies himself and starts explaining his thoughts.

Anne nods, encouraging him to go on and asks a few questions. As she does that Hans begins to feel a little bolder and a little more certain of the merit of his idea.

He’s looking down at his notebook as he speaks then eventually he looks up and all eyes are on him.

He starts to panic – then realises they’re all smiling.

His ideas are raw, slightly crazy and need work but he’s set the conversation in a whole new direction.

A direction that could so easily have been lost had Anne not invited him to speak up and helped him feel safe in doing so.

Try it at your next meeting. Find the least outspoken person in the room and ask them: “what do you think?”

If you’d like to know more about getting your project done with higher engagement and less resistance then get in touch directly or grab your free fast track guide to transforming resistance into results.

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